Tag Archives: Tom Cruise

You know Tom Cruise has been in your house when…

  • All religious books have been assessed and corrected.
  • Any left-over placenta in the fridge has been eaten
  • You sofa has been jumped on (and probably broken) also tears of joy have stained your sofa pillows.
  • Your phone has been use to dial intergalactic numbers
  • Any one-piece silver suits have been worn (and probably soiled).
  • All Mathematical and Scientific books have been altered and corrected wherever necessary.
  • Your entire house has been Feng Shuied.
  • You find a few wedding ring cases as he has probably been married a few more times since visiting your place.
  • Every Sudoku puzzle has been done and don’t bother checking them because they are correct.
  • Every Tom Cruise DVD that you have has now been signed and the invoices are waiting there to be paid.
  • He has pre-adopted you a child that is currently in transit but will arrive shortly. You’re welcome.
  • Your house has been used to film  his latest “Save  the world” action movie.
  • Your goldfish has been mentally abused into believing that it doesn’t really need water.
  • Everything is positively charged.

10 things Tom Cruise would never say and really mean

1. I know I’m ugly

2. I love Suri more than I love myself

3. I just got into Scientology to meet chicks

4. I just got into Scientology for the cool silver suede unitard

5. Why was I the Last Samurai?

6. I laugh so much to hide my tears of pain

7. I’ve blown too much money on Scientology to quit now

8. All religions brainwash their followers into doing crazy stuff, now hold my iPhone while I slay Xenu with my lightsaber

9. Maybe I don’t know everything

10. How many times have I been married again?