Tag Archives: laugh

50th Birthday card I’d like to see!

 

So You’re 50!

 

Don’t get too excited you’re not the first one to make it this far.

Hey remember when you were 40! Oh sorry you probably don’t remember things that far back.

 

Just a few things to remember (if you can);

  • Just cut it really short because we all know it is a comb-over
  • Don’t laugh too hard unless you’re already sitting on the toilet
  • Don’t wear tight pants for any reason at all. Even if forced to do so at gunpoint.
  • White socks don’t go with black shoes
  • Cardigans add 20 years to your age
  • Yes, the neighbours do hate you
  • You walk too slow.
  • Young people look at you because they see themselves in 30 years and get scared 

Hope you have a great day and enjoy your roast beef dinner.

 

 

You know Tom Cruise has been in your house when…

  • All religious books have been assessed and corrected.
  • Any left-over placenta in the fridge has been eaten
  • You sofa has been jumped on (and probably broken) also tears of joy have stained your sofa pillows.
  • Your phone has been use to dial intergalactic numbers
  • Any one-piece silver suits have been worn (and probably soiled).
  • All Mathematical and Scientific books have been altered and corrected wherever necessary.
  • Your entire house has been Feng Shuied.
  • You find a few wedding ring cases as he has probably been married a few more times since visiting your place.
  • Every Sudoku puzzle has been done and don’t bother checking them because they are correct.
  • Every Tom Cruise DVD that you have has now been signed and the invoices are waiting there to be paid.
  • He has pre-adopted you a child that is currently in transit but will arrive shortly. You’re welcome.
  • Your house has been used to film  his latest “Save  the world” action movie.
  • Your goldfish has been mentally abused into believing that it doesn’t really need water.
  • Everything is positively charged.