Category Archives: Defusing Parenthood

Child-rearing, Autism, Fatherhood, Motherhood, Child-related Topics

Marriage will save you

Correction.

Marriage for the right reasons will save you.

 

I sit here tonight watching my 2 year old daughter fall asleep.

My wife and other two children have already fallen asleep.

 

Choose your destiny

I think about where my life would be right now had I not met and pursued my wife. If I hadn’t revealed to everyone I met that “I’m not seeking a single life, I want marriage and children, I want to experience all that life has to offer. I want to be a husband and a father, I want to grow up.”

Most of my friends have remained single, some even still living at home and in their 30’s.

Although I did leave home rather late at 25, I really wanted to leave and go live on my own at 17 and I see no problem with this. Unless the 17 year old doesn’t have a good head on  their shoulders.

 

Different lives, worlds apart

I now see how far apart the single life is compared to the married with children life.

Single life is suspended adolescence, especially when you still live at home. How are you supposed to really experience life as an adult.

 

But I don’t want to get married

Marriage is just like a long term relationship. But as adults we should mature into wanting things such as wives, husbands, partners and children. 

You don’t have to be financially stable to have children. Have them, and then you will bite, kick and do whatever you have to to become financially stable. Children bring reason and purpose into life. As does a significant other.

 

Looking back

 

Looking back I think about why I needed money and I had no reason; only to survive. But now I see that what I make is used to support my family. As a single man all my money was wasted on useless junk and useless repetitive experiences.

 

You want advice

Go look for a wife in all the right places, read Steve Biddulph’s book “The New Manhood”.

Read other great books about what it really means to be a man. 

 

But marriage means the end of my  life

No, believe it or not it”s the beginning of a great new chapter in your life. It should mean the end of adolescence and the end of pursuing women. You now have a wife that hopefully supports you and vice versa. So you have no need to seek pleasure from women elsewhere and that alone should free up most of your time.

Now with this free time you can romance your wife and build a family. 

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How to get a woman to Marry you

As I mentioned in my earlier post I knew exactly what I was looking for in a woman so when I came across her I was going to let her know.

I was looking for;

  • Someone dedicated to having a family; I’m not going to beg and plead to have children when she doesn’t want them.
  • A smart woman; despite many women “trying” to act stupid most are intelligent if you con them into a proper conversation on their own.
  • A hard-working woman; Hey if she works hard as a single woman then she will have no problem working alongside me to raise our children.
  • Someone I was attracted to; Ladies you may think that you are ugly but, lose the make up and dress like a modest lady, speak to guys you find interesting and see your luck change.
  • Someone who had their own “wholesome” convictions and would not sacrifice what they believed in for anyone.

So I met her

I started a new job and there she was, I liked her and I let her  know by my actions. I’m no sleaze, I would speak to her about everything even marriage and children to see what her reaction would be.

She passed the first test, she didn’t run. But she did have a boyfriend.

So what do you do when a girl you really like has a boyfriend

Nothing, just wait.

If she is content with her boyfriend so be it. It’s not the end of the world.

But at the same time, don’t give up, don’t drop your convictions to suddenly like everything she likes and don’t be a sleaze.

It just so happens that she was with this guy just to be with someone so they decided to go their separate ways.

When I found out she was single, then we exchanged numbers and began our getting to know each-other phase.

 

To cut a long story short we were married only months later and now have three children with number four on the way.

So persistence, truth, bravery and sticking to your convictions is how you get a woman to marry you.

REMINDER

But sorry guys it doesn’t end there so a word of caution if you’re not ready to put in a lifetime of hard work for this person, then just stay at home with your parents.

 

 

 

How to get a woman to …

Now I’m no advocate on how to get a woman to have sex with you, never wanted to be, and don’t see sex as something worth getting off multiple strangers.

Family upbringing

Looking back at my parents and how happy they were, there was no question in my mind that when the right girl came along I’d marry her.

Why would I want a fling, when I could have the real thing?

In da Club

While some of the guys I knew were out trying to score each weekend, I was at home studying, reading and YES being lame.

I just didn’t care about the club scene at all. As soon as I hit the legal club age I went a few times and hated it. It was boring and the girls were all fake (so were the boys I guess).

I was so lame that I actually had to ask my friends how it all worked, they told me that you had to approach a girl with some witty remarks and good conversation to get her.

I thought, to get her to what, dance, have sex on the dance-floor? Hey all I wanted to do was talk and if they seemed interesting I’d keep talking, perhaps we could get together another time and continue a friendship.

HAHAHAHAHA, that’s so funny because I soon saw that these girls were not girls at all but just female versions of my friends, here on an ego trip, trying to get laid.

Not what I was looking for; and thankfully I had many friends who thought just as I did, this kept me from the “Allure” of hooking up.

Lame equals uncomfortable and direct

I got over my fear of embarrassing myself long ago. In fact it gave me power, it was my Zen to actually fake embarrass myself in public to get my friends embarrassed, for a laugh at their expense.

As a teenager I approached girls that I thought were interesting and that I’d like to meet at;

The library

Friends of friends

The shopping centre

The beach

Cafe’s

Actually everywhere I went there would usually be girls I was attracted to so I’d speak to them, not wanting a number or anything else for that matter.

But if by chance they were something extraordinary that I thought I could see myself being with this person, I’d just tell them.

But hey it never happened until I was 26, and I married her.

Yeah lame story but how do I get a woman?

  • Don’t copy shit from MTV of films just think for a moment of what you really want your future to look like and go find someone in the right places.
  • Don’t be a little coward.
  • Speak up like a man, have convictions don’t agree with them, you are who you are.
  • Be brave look them in the eye and be interested in them, because if you aren’t interested then they aren’t for you.

What Children Understand

Wow, it is amazing what children pick-up on. There is no hiding anything when they get to be over three years old. Why didn’t anyone tell me this?

Even having scattered conversations with my wife throughout the day seems to rearrange into comprehensible information inside my children’s heads. Then I face a barrage of questions about my work, bills and who is fighting with who.

The only escape is a second language provided the children don’t understand that as well.

Unfortunately for my parents I understood them when they spoke in their mother tongue trying to hide the conversation.

Deception

I’ve come to the conclusion that there is no point in deceiving the kids about things. But when it comes to that which does not concern them such as Bills, Money and other Adult things that is where I stop talking and they don’t get involved.

Because they are children and don’t need to know about the hard struggle, just the happy bits.

They Understand

Despite how basic their understanding of events and information is; it is a fact that they understand. Whether they just associate bad feelings with a word, it doesn’t matter because the connection has been made.

I’m going to be more careful when I speak and act around my children from now on and I suggest that you do so too.

Toilet Training Toddlers

I never knew it would be so hard to toilet train my kids.

 

Sure there is plenty of information out there but all kids respond in different ways.

 

The best idea I came across was to sit them on the toilet for a few minutes about half an hour after lunch/dinner until they get used to the idea.

 

Try to keep them occupied with a book or game.

Tell them to pass wind or breathe in and out deeply.

It seems to be getting better,

 

but I guess only time will tell.

5 Non-Spanking and Incredibly Brilliant Ways to Discipline Kids

awesome stuff

rodewayoflife

Spanking is a sensitive subject. I’ve talked to a lot of moms about this, and some of them say, “My parents spanked me, and I’m just fine.” And then there are those horrified moms who reply, “Spanking only teaches violence.” But no matter what side you’re on, it doesn’t hurt to have a few creative tricks up your sleeve to turn a child around quickly. Here are five of the most unique (and incredibly brilliant) methods I’ve been able to find:

1) Use a spray bottle.

I heard about this one last week from a writing friend, and she swears by it–and yes, it works for cats, too. She says that her preschooler and kindergartner don’t like water in their faces, so even the threat of being squirted in the face makes them leap up and obey. 

In the case of teenagers, though, you may want to prepare for the…

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Who needs a Father?

I got to stick up for myself but it is hard to do so without coming across as sexist, politically incorrect or misogynistic.

I’m a husband and a father; I am a man therefore I feel what is happening to men  of all ages.

We are looked down upon. ( and I’m in no way praising the bad men or putting down the good women).

Mother’s Day shopping verses Father’s Day shopping

We are all conditioned into believing that women are the beacons of intellectual society therefore we buy them books and get them pampered.

Men are just boys living a suspended adolescence only seeking an X-Box, shaving cream, and radio-controlled helicopters.

Advertising

Men are stupid and cannot do anything at all; on television commercials I’ve seen men struggle to put infant seats in cars, use a vacuum cleaner, pick up a phone and purchase health insurance, the list goes on.

I cannot imagine the uproar that would come if women were portrayed as idiots on television commercials.

The useless father figure

Fathers especially are useless all they do is work then come home sit down and have a beer.

While mother does the cleaning, cooking, all of the parenting, pays the bills, chauffeurs the children and still looks like a supermodel.

Reality

The truth is, I cook everyday, take my kids to the park everyday, bath them, read them stories at bedtime, teach them exercises and how to stick up for themselves, teach them to read, teach them to write, console them and if I have some spare time I write on this blog.

My father did just as much for me and my son will God-willing do the same for his children.

No father

Boys growing up without a father or with a docile father-figure will eat up all the propaganda so I’m telling you men to man up and take control, guide your children.

And women back up your husbands and if they are lazy remind them of what psychological damage they are doing to their children.

Managing our time for the benefit of our toddlers

Time management for toddlers

Any single parent or couple with a toddler/toddlers already know the impossible mission of trying to manage time for them to play and interact with you. Most of the time you are unable to sacrifice too many working hours because you need the money for your children and their future.

So the answer is that we must find time somewhere else.

Like other seemingly impossible tasks that we attempt to find time for such as exercise, prayer and meditation; making time at the earliest part of the day is always the best way to go.

Not only does finding time at the start of the day ensure that your toddler/toddlers are awake and fed but it also helps to get it all out of the way and done before you yourself start to get tired from the full day you have ahead of yourself.

Time spent wisely

So you have managed to set an hour or two aside each morning to play and interact with your toddler/toddlers.

Because proper learning at such an early age is so critical to assist in helping all of their functions progress you must be wise with the games you choose to play with them.

Anything that introduces and tests their knowledge of numbers, letters, words, colors, emotions and shapes will be especially beneficiary to their development.

With three children of my own I found it hard to find time so I set aside the time and used it to all of our advantages. I made sure that they got to spend time with a happy father in a friendly atmosphere with plenty of snacks and a variety of games to play.

Toddlers seem to like variety in their lives. When it comes to snacks, toys, clothes and outings; toddlers need a constant change to keep them interested.

Multitasking: combining learning, food and exercise

I found it difficult to teach my son his colors so we invented a game where after a nice play at the park (to get him all energized and hungry), we would sit with a bag of different colored lollies to learn the different colors.

I’d either give him a handful and ask for him to return certain colors (always congratulating him on his achievements) or I’d simply ask him to pick out different colors for me.

I’d also combine learning flash cards with food. We’d get out whatever food corresponded with a particular flash card and ask my children which cards go with which food. They’d learn to associate a cow with milk and a picture of an apple with a real apple, etc.

Also our outings at the park would slowly become lessons in color and objects. When you find yourself having fun teaching your children they will find it fun learning from you.

It needs to be done now

Unfortunately for us parents we not only have a lack of time when it comes to finding time to spend with our toddlers but the clock is also ticking for them as they crave to learn right now.

We need to sacrifice whatever time we can to interact with our toddlers. If we find that we are overwhelmed with house-work them why not get them involved in the work? Let your daughter sweep the floor with you and let your son help wipe down the cupboards, what is work for us is fun for them and especially when they get to work with mommy and daddy.

My kids can read.

I’ve recently tried a few techniques to teach my children how to read, to my surprise they took it all in and were even begging for more.

When grabbing the attention of 2 – 5 year olds I’ve found that  you need physical aides and humour, even with these things you get about 15 minutes of hard concentration and that is a good amount of time.

Also it seems to work better when teaching more than one child at a time because it becomes a group activity where each child tries to outdo the other.

Technique

The way to go about it is to feed them no more than six words in one lesson.

Show them each word and let them look at it for a few seconds before pointing to and saying the word.

Keep repeating the process until you no longer have to say the word, only point to it and they will be able to identify it.

This is basic word-image association and it is how we all learn.

The hard part

The hard part is keeping their attention  and giving them enough enthusiasm that they want to proceed and exceed their skills.

Children are not stupid so you need to actually have fun doing it or they will hate it. Take this opportunity to spend valuable time with your children. It does take some time but when they begin to read on their own they will absolutely love it. And you can watch in pride as they grow more confident and intelligent.