10 things Barack Obama would never say and really mean

1. Why would I take action when all they want are words?

2. I know all of the white house as well as all of the power rangers have got my back

3. I’m just like the average Joe, I put my presidential pyjamas on one leg at a time

4. I articulate my words extremely well so that people listen to how I speak rather than what I say

5. Dude, where’s my teleprompter?

6. Dude, where ‘s my cigarettes?

7. I’m not muslim, I’m not even Christian as a matter of fact I’m just a walking hologram and the white house is an open air television studio

8.  Yes we can, bring America closer to the third world

9. Comrades… whoops.

10. Here is my birth certificate

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