1. I know I’m ugly
2. I love Suri more than I love myself
3. I just got into Scientology to meet chicks
4. I just got into Scientology for the cool silver suede unitard
5. Why was I the Last Samurai?
6. I laugh so much to hide my tears of pain
7. I’ve blown too much money on Scientology to quit now
8. All religions brainwash their followers into doing crazy stuff, now hold my iPhone while I slay Xenu with my lightsaber
9. Maybe I don’t know everything
10. How many times have I been married again?